JUly 2023 featured Article
Introducing Ken Snyder
As the Central Region Director since 2013, Ken Snyder serves pastors and churches by promoting personal and organizational health and by challenging churches to deeper levels of faithfulness to Jesus’s mission. Ken is passionate about every church multiplying disciples, leaders, groups, and churches to change the world through Jesus’s love. He and Christine have been married for over 27 years and have three children — Josh (Natasha), Win (Allison), and Cora — and one horse, Cash. (Ironic name. Isn't it?)
The Only Path Forward
“Hurt people hurt people.”
We see evidence of this everywhere. The news, social media, texts and emails. We see it in our families and in our churches. Hurt is ubiquitous. And, if we’re honest, we find ourselves on both sides of the scenario: we all have been hurt — and we all have hurt others. I have. You have.
Thankfully, we’re not left without hope of escaping this cycle of wounding and pain. The Holy Spirit works in our lives, transforming us into agents of healing, hope, and wholeness. Of course, we don’t have to wait to begin acting. Even as that transformation is occurring, we’re called to seek reconciliation whenever we’ve caused pain (Matthew 5:23-24; Romans 12:18).
However, what do we do when others don’t “play by the same rules” — the rules of the Kingdom, the teachings of Jesus? What do we do with the hurt caused by others?
My wife, Christine, is an avid gardener. She loves creation’s beauty and has labored to transform our yard into a flourishing sanctuary. Years ago, she taught me that careful pruning — even when it seems severe or harmful — often produces the most abundant, beautiful growth. This pruning practice is a universal principle seen in much of life. It is particularly evident in our spiritual growth. Jesus talked about pruning with his disciples, teaching them how God would shape and transform their lives by removing unfruitful aspects. He also pointed out this truth: sometimes even fruitful growth needs to be cut back to produce even more abundant growth.
Perhaps you have seen evidence of this as the Lord has narrowed your focus, removing less important pursuits from your life. (One author calls this “essentialism.”) Pruning like this typically results in increased clarity, greater intentionality, and significant impact. Or, pruning might look like churches sending out a group to plant a new church. Many who have experienced the initial “pain” of reducing their own attendance and giving have gone on to also experience a new season of growth in mission, baptisms, and, yes, people.
I have also learned that the wrongs of others become God’s pruning shears with which he reshapes me to bear the spiritual fruit of forgiveness in my life.
Forgiveness overcomes the real enemy. As Rick Dugan (World Partners Executive Leadership Team) has said via social media, “Forgiveness is spiritual warfare” (2 Corinthians 2:10-11). In the midst of our legitimate and deep pain, it’s easy to lose sight of the truth that all we see is not full reality. The enemy of our souls deceives us into mislabeling a brother or sister as “enemy.” (Catch the sad irony there!) When we focus only on what we can see, and not what the Spirit is doing, we have been outwitted. Spirit-filled forgiveness preserves our spiritual family even as it defeats our shared enemy.
Forgiveness guards our hearts from the self-harm of bitterness. A quote attributed to St. Augustine says it well, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Do not underestimate the immeasurable harm we do ourselves (and, very likely, our family and friends) when we hold on to what the apostle Paul called our “record of wrongs.” An unwillingness to forgive, much like excessive radiation that doesn’t kill the person but eventually leads to cancer, will poison our souls. It will eventually metastasize into other areas of life. Forgiveness just might be the hazmat suit of the Kingdom.
Forgiveness demonstrates our love for others. “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9 nlt). Here the critical moment of conflict provides us two paths: promoting love or separating friends. Although a posture of forgiveness doesn’t necessarily prove we love the other person, a lack of forgiveness demonstrates a clear love-deficit. This is scary on two fronts. Jesus said the second greatest command is to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). Also, the Lord gave us a clear test (or proof) of our discipleship: “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples” (John 13:35 nlt). A forgiving heart both promotes and grows love, wherein we obey the second greatest commandment while also proving we are his disciples.
Forgiveness aligns our lives with Jesus’s dying words. We know the words well: “Father, forgive them….” Living them, as always, is the real test. Shawne Duperon, a survivor of child molestation, articulates the test well: “Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never receive.” Jesus didn’t wait for an apology. Whether apologies would come or not — and he actually knew if they would — he freely forgave anyway. This seems impossible, doesn’t it? Please don’t misinterpret the point here. This isn’t a callous demand to forgive, but an invitation to be closer to Jesus. Draw near him. Hear his words. See his grace. Re-experience his forgiveness and let him teach you again and again how to forgive, regardless of the contrition (or derision) of the one who has wronged you.
Forgiveness provides a glimpse for others of the beauty of the gospel and of Jesus’s kingdom. Enemy-love is the fragrance of the Kingdom. Jesus teaches us, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44 KJV). According to Aristides in his report to the emperor Hadrian, the early church embodied Jesus’s words: “It has become their passion to do good to their enemies…. This, O Emperor, is the rule of life of the Christians, and this is their manner of life.” Forgiveness is inseparable from the message we preach as well as from our King and his Kingdom. When we love those who treat us like enemies and pray for those who mistreat us, we incarnate the gospel and invite others to a life that, down deep, their souls long to see and experience — the way of our King and his Kingdom.
It's one thing to know these truths. It’s entirely another to live them. How do we do this? For me, four practices have aided me in my commitment to live by Jesus’s teachings, specifically in the Sermon on the Mount:
Recognize, with the aid of the Spirit and others, my own failure and sin. Be committed to this, first and foremost, wherever there is relational brokenness.
Repent to the Lord and to the person(s) affected by my actions. (NOTE: As part of my repentance to the Lord, I make sure I have forgiven the other person if there is anything which needs to be forgiven.)
Reconcile with the person(s). As Paul said, as much as it depends upon you, be at peace with all people.
Resolve to pray for him/her, especially if that person chooses the posture of an enemy.
This last point has been a great gift to me from Jesus’s own teaching. My alarm is daily set for 5:44 p.m. as a reminder to pray for anyone who seems to be acting like an enemy. Nearly every day I pray blessings upon that person(s) and their family. I’ve discovered when I authentically pray blessings over someone who I think has mistreated me, my heart is prevented from identifying him/her as an enemy. After all, there’s only one enemy. And it protects my heart from bitterness. In fact, the opposite has occurred: out of the pain and the hurt, compassion and love have grown.
The path of mercy, grace, and forgiveness is our path forward. There is no other way for the people of God. This is who we are. For the people of God — for the Missionary Church — forgiveness is the only path forward.
Related Resources
To grow deeper as a leader: Rare Leadership by Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder
Forgiveness at work: Apology Necessary — At the Table Podcast, May 24, 2023